A common suggestion

Guy (to his buddies): You know what Primo's should sell?

...Condoms.

-- Primo's

"Eight-Legged Freaks"

Girl 1: Ewwwww! There's a spider right there.
Girl 2: I thought spiders were extinct.

-- On the way to class

You've gotta appreciate honesty

Drunk Guy: "I love titties and ass!"

-- Outside the guy's window by Newman East

That's what friends are for

Girl 1: She's still mad at you? She's your friend she should be supporting you.
Girl 2: Yeah I know. As soon as she started crying I told her it was an April Fool's joke.

-- Outside Primo's

Fantastic Voyage

Guy (to his friend): Let's go, the beer isn't going to buy itself.

-- Newman hallway

Automobiles and Atheists

Guy (to friend): As far as the DMV is concerned, there is no God.

-- Outside Donnelly Science Center

Easily amused

Guy: Dude, you were like so blacked out last night.
Girl: Uh, yeah i was
Guy: ...cool.

-- Walking by the chapel

Mail Stop Sass

Post Office Employee: I'm going to need you to fill this out again. You wrote the information in the wrong spot.
Prince NorthFace: Listen. I'm not used to this whole sending packages to people thing. I'm the one that gets the packages so leave me alone.

-- Post Office

My how our mothers would love modern connotation

Tired Girl: I'm exhausted. I wish I liked coffee.
Tired Girl's Friend: Tea might wake you up.
Tired Girl: They don't have tea at Primos.
Tired Girl's Friend: They have hot water and tea bags.
Tired Girl: [Giggles]...tea bag.

-- Newman West