How to: stick up for yourself

Bookstore employee (to student): I know I didn't just get off the little yellow bus, cuz I can count!

-- Bookstore

It's such a novel concept

Guy: I don't know, it's weird. She's always, like, trusting me and stuff.

-- to his friend, at Primo's

Is this inappropriate?

Girl: Hey are you smokin tonight?
Guy: Is the pope dead?

-- Newman elevator

Demonstration not necessary.

Guy 1: Yeah, dude, she was holding it like a fuckin' microphone! (and demonstrates... with a teacher standing right behind them)

-- to his friend; Surfin' Joes

well, when you gotta go...

Girl 1: It was cool. I saw Vanessa Williams.
Girl 2: Oh really? Did you get her autograph?
Girl 1: No... She asked me where the bathroom was, though. And then she said thank you.
Girl 2: Oh, well that's just as good.

-- halls of Campion

A Tall Tale of Exam Week Woes

Girl: Exams are soooooo stressful, I have, like, 4 today!
Guy: How could you have 4 today?
Girl: Well, not like 4...
Guy: So how many do you have?
Girl: Well, like, 1, but it was easy. I got out in 20 minutes, but like, this whole exam thing is totally stressful, you know.

-- in line for register at Boulder

Spring Break diet idea?

Guy 1: Yo dude... Now that we are in college, what do you think about the chicks?
Guy 2: Well they definitely put out more... but it's hard to find a girl without a beer gut.
Guy 1: Yeah seriously, can't we just tell them to stick to vodka or something - that way they'll get drunk, have sex, and will have tight stomachs!

-- high fives and laughs follow; Primo's

It's the Irish way, yeah?

Guy: I don't have a problem. Alcohol fixes everything.

-- On Campus